Talking To Aging Parents About Difficult Issues, 5 Tips to Make It Easier

It can be difficult for adult children to discuss sensitive topics – such as legal, financial, medical and long term care issues -- with their aging parents. But, as difficult as it can be, it’s a discussion that will likely have to be conducted – eventually. Here’s how to do it with the least possible stress for you and your parents.

1. Start early, and choose a relatively stress-free moment in time.

First, you should plan the first of these conversations early --- while your parents’ health is still good and no tough decisions have to be made immediately, advises Dionne Rogers, mental health therapist at A Sound Mind Counseling in Cincinnati. A good rule of thumb would be when your parents reach their 70s.

You could start with discussing what they might like to do 10 or 15 years from now, when their mobility may be limited. Would they like to “age in place” or perhaps move into a modern, well appointed senior community.

If aging in place is their preference – which it is for most people in the United States – ask if they might consider saving for renovations now that could be helpful later – such as installing a downstairs bathroom or converting a downstairs den into a bedroom.

2. Tell your aging parents that you need to have the conversation for yourself, as much as for them. Emphasize that the reason for the conversation is to help relieve your anxiety and to help you assist them as they age.

“Since most parents don’t want their children to hurt or be anxious, it will make it easier to broach the tough subjects, if they think it will help you,” Ms. Rogers says.

3. Get all of the siblings involved. Have all of the siblings there, if possible – especially the ones your parents are most likely to listen to, and those with whom they communicate well.

4. Keep the discussion short, and stay on the subject.

Don’t start talking about old issues or conflicts. Also, don’t expect to settle everything in one 30 minute conversation. If you have started the process early, there will be plenty of time to continue to bring up other thorny subjects – such as end-of-life wishes, before the need arises.

5. Last, but certainly not least: Remember that your parents have the right to run their own lives – even as they age.

You may, one day, have to balance their wishes and their safety, but keep their wishes and desires first when it comes to any decision making. Make sure your tone and your choice of words support your parents emotionally throughout the discussion.

For more information on talking to elderly parents, contact Dionne Rogers, professional mental health therapist at A Sound Mind Counseling, 203 E. Galbraith, 45216, 513-948-0023.